How to Win Friends and Influence People is book about things that we all know deep down there but need to be reminded of from time to time. The point the book is trying to convey boils down to simple observation: life is easier if you are making it easier for other people too. By appreciating, smiling, choosing the right words, not criticising, and taking other person’s needs into consideration.
In full honesty, I skipped a few pages here and there because the lesson of each chapter was conveyed by multiple examples and one was often enough to understand what is the author trying to say. The book isn’t groundbreaking in any way, the examples and stories are slightly historical, but the overall tone is heartwarming and the takeaways are true to the heart.
- Fundamental techniques in handling people
- Don’t criticise, condemn, or complain; instead, try to understand them, what they want and why they do things they do.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation; try to figure out other person’s good traits.
- Arouse in other people an eager want; don’t force your ideas on others, make them want to be part of it.
- How to make people like you
- Become genuinely interested in other people; people are interested in others if they are interested in them.
- Person’s name is to them the sweetest sound in any language; calling people by their name has its powers.
- Be a good listener; by encouraging others to talk about themselves and their needs.
- Talk in terms of other person’s interest.
- Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.
- How to win people to your way of thinking
- You can’t win an argument; the only way to get the best out of it is to avoid it.
- Show respect for other person’s opinion; avoid saying “You’re wrong”.
- If you are wrong, admit it.
- Begin in a friendly way, and handle situations calmly; being rude won’t get you anywhere.
- Get other person to say yes; give leading questions that have yes answers and work your way up to the final yes to what you really need.
- Let the other person do the talking; it might give you more information to work with or if nothing else you will make them happy.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is theirs; by planting the ideas and letting others to develop them on their own.
- Try honestly to see the things from the other person’s view.
- Be sympatethic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Assume the best about everyone.
- Dramatise your ideas.
- When nothing else works, throw down a challenge.
- Be a leader
- Begin with praise and appreciation.
- Call attention to people’s mistake indirectly; hint at the mistakes, let people realize them on their own.
- Talk about your own mistakes first before criticising others.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other person save their face; destroying someone’s ego doesn’t do any good.
- Praise the slightest improvement and every improvement.
- Give the other person fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make faults seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy doing the things you suggest; consider what they gain from it and specifically convey it when making a request.
Title: How to Win Friends and Influence People
Author: Dale Carnegie